August 25th 2006
We are living in the foreign lands of Pleasanton, California, where we are staying in a Marriott Residence Inn. We are next to a major freeway, but the double pane windows shun us from noise, smell and affects. This suite has two bedrooms, a salon, free Internet access, three televisions and the comfort of an air conditioner, not to mention endless bags of popcorn, the complimentary breakfast and evening hospitality hour; all of which make it very easy to space out into oblivion. Could we be in "anywhere USA"? The suburban world of America is familiar yet foreign to us. We certainly are not in "Kansas" nor are we in Ecuador.
Our travel plans have changed, yet again. Originally, we were to spend a mere 10 days in California, to celebrate Ann's 60th birthday and John's 50th birthday. But, alas, as plans do, our plans changed. We are still in California, in a last minute, essentially in the last 24 hours before departure, we made the decision to spend additional time with our aging parents. What we know is that life's transitions are inevitable, but never are we fully prepared for their consequences or their impacts.
A few days before our arrival, John's mother experienced a stroke that left her with speech disabilities. Her fight with Parkinson's disease has taken its toll and she is unable to move with the speed and quickness of her youth, now using a wheelchair. Still, she remains alert, reads voraciously, challenges herself with complicated puzzles, and remains as interested as ever, in the lives of her grandchildren, her children and the world as it turns.
On the other hand, John's father, at the age of 83, is toying with life; challenging all statistics on how many times one can go into emergency hospital, come out to recover and then lapse in, again. He has more lives than a cat. The best news is that he is often alert during our visits and he has not lost his appetite for Gaby's homemade cookies.
The Ambers are living in an Assisted Living Facility in Walnut Creek. Our choice was to move closer to them and thus, our temporary home in Pleasanton, California. We are pleased that we can be with them. As John says, "If we can bring a few more smiles and a few more giggles to their lives, that is all we need, to make this time worth our extended visit."
As for Judy's parents, they are still living, independent lives in their home in Portola Valley, California. Judy's mom is as quick witted, strong minded, and independent as ever. She says she moves slower, but it is hard to see as she is quicker at getting chores "done" than many half her age. She is 88 years old (will be 89 in December) and still maintaining full control of her Real Estate properties, the home, and most of all nagging Judy's dad to do more and take care of himself better. Ah, after over sixty years of marriage, their roles maintain, "for better or worst".
As for my Dad, well, he will be 90 in February 2007. He lives the life of a man living in grace and contentment. As he says, "I have reached and exceeded every goal I ever set my mind to achieve." We are happy and proud of his achievements and his life with his wife, his children, and his family. "I will die with a full tummy and a smile in my heart."
The best news is that my parents remain very interested in the family and our lives. Their sincere interests in the Amberchan circle of friends, some old and some new, only goes to prove that with my parents, they maintain a thirst for surrounding themselves with interesting people and holding fast to youthful curiosity. Dad even tried a new cuisine that I had made for my birthday dinner, Gourmet magazine's 1966 winner, the Eggplant Kuku. The beautiful purple eggplant is not one of my Dad's favorite foods, but he tried it, and was graceful enough to support his daughter's creative culinary endeavors. Some old dogs will try new tricks.
For us, our parents are the perfect image of how one wants to finish the game of life, satisfied, content and just aging with a minimal amount of suffering as the body starts its natural state of decline. All of them have reminded us, that they have "lived rich, good lives" and now the baton must be passed on to the next generations.
For John and I, we are most grateful to our sisters and our brother-in laws, our nieces and our nephews, for all they have done to care for our parents, especially during our travels abroad. They have all taken extraordinary steps to give generously of their time, energy and intelligence, to help our parents. The long hours of caring for our parents and making difficult decisions on our behalves has been truly appreciated by us. These are not easy times.
Life's transitions are inevitable, but never are we full prepared for their consequences or their impact. What we do know for sure: we belong to a wonderful family by blood and family by choice, who continue to demonstrate the power of loving kindness, sharing, and being there during thick and thin to help us through this passage of life and journey to the beyond. As one of our friend's reminds us, "even this will pass" and life will move on…